Let's Talk About Self-Esteem
Hey y'all! I hope everybody had an amazing weekend! Mine was crazy hectic filled with me going in 20 million directions and not getting a whole lot of sleep. We had people in town this weekend and friends over and staying with us so today is catch up day and get the apartment clean day because dear lord it is nasty. So with today's post I want to get a little personal and talk a little bit about self-esteem so lets jump right on in.
I consider myself to be pretty tough, or I would like to think I am. But I wasn't born tough, I have become this way because of the things I have been through, the things that have been said about me, and then of course my internal struggles and obstacles. I am not a huge crier but every once in a while I have my moments where I just need a good cry to let it out.
My self-esteem has always been my #1 enemy because it can change my mood in a complete second and affect how I look at myself. Now some people's self-esteem troubles come from not being where they want to be in their career, relationship troubles, or like me, how they see themselves. When I look in the mirror and see myself in a way I don't want to, I am anything but confident. It has been that way for I don't know how long and something I constantly struggle with.
I have grown up in a very competitive family that is very athletic, in shape, and skinny, but I've always been the one that is bigger. Now growing up I played sports and was active but never thin like my family or friends. I always used to wonder why I was the one who had to look like this and not somebody else in my family because I felt so left out and so ugly. This always bothered me because I felt like I never fit in and then of course cue the bullying because kids would make fun of me for how I looked in a bathing suit. I would compare myself to the people around me, and still do sometimes to this day, but when I did that I had nothing but negative thoughts about myself and started to really hate myself and how I looked.
My self-esteem has always been the thing I fight the most and will continue to have to fight everyday. As I have gotten older, I look back and realize that I have been every size and weight range out there, but the important thing now for me is that I love myself. Now I do get comments every once in a while from a few people close to me about my weight and how I may need to start working out again or other small hints. In that moment I make it seem as though I don't care or as though I know, but later on when I'm alone, I realize that it hurts because it is just another hit to my self-esteem that I feel like I didn't need.
Sometimes I have my moments and get into my funk where I don't like myself but I keep moving and keep fighting to find the positive. Self- esteem will always be an issue for me and be there like one of those little people sitting on my shoulder telling me what I should do and contradicting each other. For me dealing with my self-esteem will be a constant everyday battle to find the better things in life and in myself, the key though is to keep finding that positivity.
How do you y'all deal with self-esteem? I appreciate all of you for coming along for this post and letting me share. Thank you for reading!
Love, D
